The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
