i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
