so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
