I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
