I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
