He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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