Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
