I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
