in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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