I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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