sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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