Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
dude. I can hear the air.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
