He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
