happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
