yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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