I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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