Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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