she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
