Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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