I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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