you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
