i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
