If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
