Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
