Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
