I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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