Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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