dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
