I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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