My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
