My underwear smells like fireworks.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
