I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
