you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
