Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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