So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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