I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
