I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
