You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
