It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You've changed since you got that strap on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
