So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
