I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
