Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
