i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
