I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
