just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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