dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
