Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Im part way to drunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
