i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
