Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
