I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
