Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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