The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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