apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
