Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
