do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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