I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
