i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
