No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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