I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
