There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
