I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
