i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
