worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
