I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize