Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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