I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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