How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
