She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
