it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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