just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
