today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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