nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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