I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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